How can you tell someone graduated from Notre Dame?

Don't worry they will tell you.

I can remember your grandfather used to walk around with his old typewriter.  Anytime someone would be allowed to enter the home he would bring it out and invite that lucky individual to take a few stabs at typing.  He would spend hours gleefully watching people bashing ink to paper.  Once he looked at me and said, "Son, the future is now!  From thought, to ink, to print with the push of a button.  Truly these are the glory days we fought the Germans to obtain."  

Anyways the real tragedy of the creation of the iphone is that it somehow gives the owner many responsibilities.  First and foremost the owner of the Iphone has solemn sworn duty to take it out at every opportunity.  Oh man thanks for sitting down next to me at the bar.  Oh and look you've pulled out an electronic device.  Oh wow are you going to use it?  No?  Oh ok just have it sit there then.  Oh you picked it up.  Did you get a call?  No.  No, you just wanted to check the weather because you can.  Oh look your shiny has gotten the attention of a female.  Well fortunately you're well versed in the marketing of said shiny.  Unfortunately once you're done with your infomercial you're going to have to find something else to talk about.  And now we have come full circle to doom.  You're generation has more information at your finger tips than ever could be dreamed by mine.  Yet none of you find anything useful to say. 

There’s no need to be smart or literate.  Don’t know how to spell a word?  Not any trouble thanks to iphone.  Too dumb to tell if it's sunny outside?  Fortunately you have a weather app at the ready.  Life getting you down?  Can't figure out how to seize the day?  Well congrats because now you can watch the video of the intense squirrel at any time.  Now you can take photographs of all the interesting non iphone owning folks who are out there doing stuff while you photograph them.  Later on you will marvel at your ability to zoom into said photo.  Even later on you will wipe a grimy glass screen with the tears of remorse from your impulse purchase.  But hey it's your allowance do with it what you want.